Men are from Mars...

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You know how the saying goes. "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" (funny enough but I actually have this book, surprise surprise). But it's true; men and women really are different species. They think differently, are able to compartmentalize and focus on one task at a time, and certainly aren't as open with their feelings as us ladies are. Despite knowing all of this, I still don't get guys. When one pisses me off, I never stop to think "oh maybe this is just in his y-chromosomed nature?" In all fairness though, I can understand how they don't get girls either (I'll admit that we really can be cray sometimes and very complicated almost all the time). So besides reading books on how to understand the opposite sex, what does one do?

I'll tell you what I do: read men's magazines. More specifically, when I have nothing better to do I go on the websites for these magazines (Men's Health, Ask men, Coed, these last two may or may not be actual magazines but are totally guy centric). Let me just say, it's absolutely fascinating. Guys think about things just as much as girls do, they just spin the topics differently; instead of a boot camp bikini blast there's an article on building muscle and protein powder, and instead of how to please him, it's a feature on how to please her.

It's funny, but somewhere along the way I actually forgot that guys have feelings (maybe because they've done such a good job at crushing mine?). I remember asking my guy friends, why would any guy actually feel motivated to want a relationship/is that even possible for one to really want to be tied down? I still wonder that sometimes. But newsflash: they actually do have feelings, and deep down they're just as interested in how to impress someone as any girl is. Guys just aren't as open about it as we are...and maybe that's why we can't live with 'em, can't live without them.

Weekend Update

Their faces sum it up quite nicely. via

1. Volunteering is good for the soul: Finally volunteering/playing with horses. This time at a local barn in Atlanta. Having kids not pay attention is always a lesson in patience, but I couldn't imagine not giving back somehow. Hopefully it's more organized next week; the substitute instructor looked a little frazzled and wasn't so thrilled at having completely new volunteers.

2. Having a goal is also good: I don't know what came over me, but in a fit of madness I signed up for the Hot Chocolate 15k in January. Originally I thought I'd do the regular ol' 5k, but then I figured, what the hey I can already run that anyway. So now I'm giving myself something to work towards. I usually run 5k a couple times a week on the treadmill (but to be fair I do play with intervals and make sure that I adjust the incline as well, so it's never just a flat run at the same pace). Now that I've discovered some cute neighborhoods nearby I'm going to try and find the motivation to run more outside, especially now that it's getting cooler.

3. Okcupid is not so good: One night I was bored and decided to sign up. A friend of mine had been raving about it, saying that she'd actually been on a couple dates with guys she met on there. Since I hardly ever seem to get the opportunity to meet new guys (did I mention that my program is 80% women?!), I figured what the hey. That lasted an hour. After I came across the profile of a guy I knew in person/had kinda liked, I took that as a sign from the universe to get the hell off there. My short stint on an online dating site has left me a little creeped out; sure you get a lot of messages from guys, but these are guys I'd never be interested in. Plus I have to wonder if free dating site = hookup site from a male perspective... no thanks. My dating life in general is just not so good. But after going to yet another bar that reminded me of UVa, complete with preppy obnoxious bros, I realized that this is not how I can go about this. Those aren't the guys I want to get involved in, so obviously those aren't the bars I'm going to find myself going to anymore. Romance/relationships are supposed to find you when you're not looking anyway right?

Social Awkwardness

I suck at mingling. I can't seem to be able to do it. Seems simple enough right, you just be your sweet self (my mom's words not mine) and charm the pants off of people? Nope. I find it extremely hard and intimidating to go up to someone I don't know and start a conversation.

This realization of my lack of talent came at a grad school mixer we had with the business school last weekend. We figured why the heck not, let's just go and meet some new people. But as soon as I get there all that false bravado goes right out the window, and I'm left clustering around people that I know. In all fairness, half of why I think it's so difficult to meet people is because everyone seems to stick with their own groups of friends, making it difficult to for an outsider to join in. To be clear, I'm not just talking about chatting up dudes; I'm talking about meeting new people in general, guys and girls, gay or straight, old or young.

If you know me you're probably rolling your eyes; I know I don't come across as shy. Once conversations get going I can easily chat up and be witty with someone I've just met. It's just that initial conversation icebreaker that seems to do me in. I'm totally in awe of people who have the balls to just go up to someone random and say "Hi, I'm so-and-so. What's your name?" That's probably how my kick ass older cousin was able to get us into a frat party my second year and ended up making friends with everyone she met. There's not a shy or self-consciousness bone in that girl's body! And you know, I think ultimately people are impressed with/receptive to anyone who has the gall to take the initiative like that (unless they're a total douche). Hence the reason why my google search history contains "how to mingle."

P.S. The night of the business school mixer my friend gave me a mission: meet 2 new people. Funny enough, about 5 minutes after she said that (while I'm busy being a big baby about how there's no way I can do that) a guy ends up striking up a conversation and at one point introduces me to his classmate. Boom! Not my type but mission accomplished!

And here's what I get after googling "awkward"

If you have to ask...

Here's an epiphany I just had: if you have to ask someone where you stand (relationship-wise) chances are that you probably already know the answer. And it isn't a good one (unless you hate the person and really don't want them to like you--then congrats!). I've had these moments, and they suck. But it's also really informative. If I have to wonder where I stand with a guy, then chances are he's just not feeling it because if he was, then I wouldn't have to wonder, I'd know.

Now, early on in a relationship or whatever you want to call it, I think it's ok to wonder. Hey, that's half the fun, the oh-my-gosh, crush is forming stage where you're talking but things haven't gotten serious. There's no need to rush that part and put a label on things, so don't ask. But after a time (and I can't really put a definitive number on this, but I think you start to get an inkling)... it's natural to start to question things. I also think that when the time and the person is right, you won't have to wonder.

I realize this epiphany may be a "no shit Sherlock" nugget of knowledge for many of you. But if you're like me, maybe a little rusty dealing with members of the opposite sex, and have a need for definitive answers before you tie a neat ribbon around a chapter and begin to move on, well this was a moment of enlightenment. Maybe on some level I knew it all along. My gut feelings have had an amazing tendency of being right. But as far as actually listening to and believing in what I deep down know to be the truth, well I've got a ways to go on that one...

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p.s. That awesome guy Dave I was telling you about? I was very sad to hear that he passed away on Thursday, the day after I found out about him. It's tough when someone like that suddenly leaves in the blink of an eye, but it's amazing to think how many people he was able to touch in such a short amount of time. I certainly will try and mirror the optimism and joy he found everyday in my own life.

Best idea I ever had

The best idea I ever had was deciding to come home for fall break. You know you are in a funk when you aren't looking forward to a 6 day vacation. I seriously did not know what I was going to do with myself with all that time on my hands and all my friends gone.

I'm feeling completely rejuvenated already. Getting away from the school environment, which even back at the apartment you can't quite shake off, has completely refocused me. This is really going to come in handy once midterms start up in the weeks right after break.

I will admit, I'm feeling a bit left out knowing that my best friends are tearing it up at UVA homecomings without me. But ultimately I'm a homebody, and going up to Cville for the weekend would really just defeat the purpose of me coming home. I'm just enjoying the heaps of puppy love that I've received since walking in the door.

Dave on Wheels: my new hero

You need to go visit this blog. Stop reading this and go! It's about this amazing guy named Dave, who was born with cerebral palsy and has been deaf and quadipeligic ever since. This guy is smart as a whip and incredibly funny (I'm also now following him on Twitter). He communicates using this device that follows his eye movements when "typing," so don't let the wheels fool you!

So glad the chive posted this!

Despite the lot he's been dealt with, Dave is the most upbeat and positive person I think I have ever come across in my life. Instead of giving up and feeling sorry for himself, he seeks to enjoy every single drop of life. As one person wrote on his blog, he lives more each day than probably any of us.

It's so humbling to read how optimistic this guy is. Seriously, what the hell do I have to complain about?! Stressed about school, jobs, relationships?! No, these are nothing. Dave is so happy and full of love, and it makes me want to really try and be a better person. Much needed after the funk I've been in!

P.S. I caved and bought a ticket home for fall break! This face in 2 days <3

"What's one good thing that happened to you today?"

My mom sensed I was being a little crabby patty on the phone the other night and tried to get me to think positive by asking this question. My answer? "I got free food."

To be fair, I do feel like I have a lot on my plate. I still haven't found an internship (if I don't have one by the 12th I lose my work study grant), and I'm starting to feel a little homesick. Fall break is next week, but my dad talked me out of buying a plane ticket home, saying "Mom and I are coming down in a month, and you are coming home for Thanksgiving. Save your money." Driving 9.5 hours by myself isn't even an option so lets not suggest that. So I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself while everyone is gone for fall break (yes, everyone is leaving me :( ). Maybe some exploring? Alone time is good right? Although, as fine as I am being a hermit (and trust me, I can go all weekend perfectly content in my own company), I can't help but think that being on my own for 6 days is just plain sad.

Only time will tell. At least I will probably post more on here during break. Harr Harr.

Fall Break ideas:
Pumpkin patch
Piedmont Park
Exploring with my camera in tow
Cooking/eating (always a fine activity)

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Any other ideas?