Sh*t I wish I knew

4. Dating in college... ha no

So this isn't meant to be a he-man woman hating type post (little rascals anyone?) I'm not going to bash anyone or name names, but for those who know me, my love life (or lack thereof), in college was pretty entertaining--at least for my friends who got to hear all the stories.

After getting out of a long distance relationship (which I don't advise anyone do, totally sucks) I got to spend my second year essentially alternating between catching up on all the fun that I didn't let myself have while I was in a relationship first year and crying in my room. I joined my sorority, made tons of friends, went to parties, got a job etc. I was in no state to start dating again so just having fun worked.

Eventually though as I got over my breakup I started wanting something a little more...stable? Meaningful? College, I found, is not the place for that. Sure I met guys at mixers and parties, but those definitely aren't the places to find a guy who wants to settle down. And I'm not talking about lets settle down, buy a house, get married type of thing. I'm just saying that I was looking for something monogamous because frankly I don't like to share my man with another girl. Sorry I'm not sorry.

I've come to the conclusion that college in general is neither the time nor the place to expect a relationship. I think the sooner I would've realized that the less disappointed I would've been. Sure, there are those awesome exceptions, the awesome couple that met on a blind date or that have been doing a log distance relationship for 4 years, the kind that still give you hope. Hell, I myself have witnessed 2 marriage proposals during college (first year and on graduation) but these are rare.

In a hook up culture why should a guy buy the cow/make a relationship official when he's getting the milk for free? Ha kinda gross but true! It's a vicious cycle, girls accept hookups because thats all they're going to get, and guys don't commit because girls settle for casual hookups.

So, because I'm stubborn and hate sharing my boy toys, I've been flying solo for 3 years. For a while I hated it but by now I've gotten used to it. Instead I've been friendzoned, ignored, one guy even gave me pink eye (which showed up the day after he said it wasn't going to work). My favorite is the time I brought a guy I liked to a date function. He shows up drunk and 15 minutes later ditches me to go to frats. Low point? Totally. But it's all good, and actually kinda funny now.

I've learned a lot about guys in the meantime. Don't chase them (still totally guilty of this). They generally mean what they say, so if they say they are too busy for a relationship then chances are they are. And if he's not texting or trying to hang out, he's prob just not that into you. Above all, don't be afraid to throw them deuces up and move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea, fish that are cute, will treat you right, and that will like you back!

Throughout this process I've also learned I'm not perfect. I've definitely overreacted, been uncharacteristically clingy (I say uncharacteristically because truly I'm not, I seriously can't spend 24/7 with someone, I just get overexcited is all). I've been downright cray at times (hey at least I can recognize/admit it right? That's the first step to recovery?) I can easily think of times when I've dug my own grave/not been totally blameless for some of the times things have crashed and burned with a guy. But still I don't think this makes me unlovable, and that's why I still find myself unable to settle.

So, moral of my long story: learn to be comfortable being single, don't expect some picturesque relationship while in college (most guys are still just too immature). If anything (and this is something I still have to remind myself of) just chill and trust the process. Mark Twain said "don't worry about losing. If it's right it'll happen. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away." It's got to be one of my favorite quotes, one that I really try to keep in mind when I start to feel like I'm pushing things or coming on too strong.

And, finally to all those boys I've liked and lost, thank you! I've learned a lot and become all the better, faster, stronger in the process :)

I bust this out just to garner pity haha.