On Why I'm Dying

I almost bought a fish the other night. That's how desperate I am for a pet. I also literally sat staring and gushing over the parakeets in Petsmart that same evening (how can you not love those little birds, especially after seeing one hold onto the tail of another as it was trying to fly?!). I'm an animal lover plain and simple, and I've never felt so deprived in my life.

I've become that weird person that has to run up to every dog I see (always making sure I ask the owner's permission of course) just so I can get my fix. Yes, my fix. The animal fix. I even get excited when I see a squirrel nowadays. Just not a lot of nature where I am. Of course I could be a good samaritan and volunteer at the animal shelter... for $25. You have to pay to volunteer. WTF.

Allie girl <3

Don't even get me started on horses. Seeing a picture can get me all misty eyed. I'm not even that great of a rider, but damn do I love me some horses. It pains me that I'm never around them as much as I could be (my friend and I missed our orientation for a therapeutic horse riding place last weekend due to our overindulgence in alcoholic beverages the night before :/ ).

So this is what my life has become. I'm so pet deprived that I almost bought a fish. At the same time, I semi-can't bring myself to do it. They're just so insubstantial. But beggars can't be chosers, and my plant just isn't really cutting it...

Sh*t I Wish I Knew

10. Tolerance decreases significantly after undergrad. Also, don't mix wine with beer and liquor. 

I made a rookie move this weekend. I'm not going to go into significant detail but based on this picture I'm sure you can get the gist. 

I could be a mature adult and pretend this never happened (although I'm guessing mature adults presumably don't get drunk in the first place), but lets not kid ourselves here. I'm young and of legal drinking age, so I'm going to partake occasionally. But after Friday... never again (I say this semi-melodramatically).

The stories are really funny. Sounds like a great night, I say, but even though I was there I still feel like I've missed out. Apparently I threw my shoes? Haha. So laugh it up guys and enjoy your "I'm sorry I was that girl" muffins because you will never see that side of me ever again. In all seriousness, alcohol really does need to be used with caution. It's scary not being in any sort of conscious control of yourself. And really, who wants to be known as that girl?

After spending literally the next 22 hours sleeping (that's my non-REM narcolepsy in action for you) and essentially losing an entire day that could've been spent adventuring or being productive... ya no I think I'm set for a while.

3-0 Please be the Magic Number!

Honey Boo Boo says: You'd better redneckinize! via thechive.com

It's official. I've applied to 30 internships. Never have I ever been so proactive in my life. And never have I ever been so desperate to hear back from something. I've talked before about how I regretted not getting any relevant work experience while in undergrad. Well here's my chance (maybe that's why I feel added pressure?)! Plus I've got this awesome work study grant that I really don't want to lose.

I got a lot of great advice from my cousin (aka my big sister) when we talked on the phone yesterday. It's all about being extremely proactive and really pursuing what you want. Sending hand written thank you notes is also a big plus (check out this msn article for more). I'm just torn between the desire to send a follow-up email and not wanting to bug someone (plus, the system that Rollins uses to apply to all these work-study jobs doesn't even give us a contact). I do semi have some contacts at the CDC; my dad's old Navy buddy who lives down here knows a handful of people who work at the CDC and has kindly passed along my resume. I just don't want to be that annoying kid that begs for a job (even though I essentially am). I'm actually rather shy in case you haven't noticed.

This, folks, is what keeps me up at night. Other than that life is good! Classes are fine (I don't think that getting As is going to be a problem), and I'm really having a great time with the people I've met here. It's the complete opposite of my first semester of undergrad (which I was afraid it was going to be like). When she finally got me on the phone my mom said "Well you must be having a lot of fun since I hardly ever hear from you!" So true.

D'aww we are so cute!

It's not even that I'm having crazy adventures (ok there's been some), but I'm just having a good time exploring and bonding with people that are similar to me. And by similar I don't mean "let's save the world we are public health gurus!" My group of friends is so much more relaxed (thank god); we have dinner parties and get together to watch our new favorite show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It's keeping me grounded. And it's funny because in a school where group work becomes an exercise in overanalyzing and trying to address every element in a public health problem, I've found myself being the one to say "let's chill, we can't get them all." And I like it!

Some Tid Bits

Oops, seems I've been bad about regularly posting, something I promised myself that I would always do. It's just been super busy (ok not so busy that I don't have time to laze around in my pjs) but compared to the summer there's just a whole lot more going on. I also don't want to say that my creative juices aren't flowing, but grad school lacks the gems that my experience at Planet Pizza this summer provided.

via the chive. 

That's not to say that there's aren't some.... interesting folks here at school, but it's such a small community that I'd hate to mention someone and then have them find out. Especially since public health is big on group projects; can't really afford to be making enemies. The grading system here seems much more manageable than undergrad (I've heard getting As is very common-- welcome news) where one of my classes has open note/open book tests and another we are graded off of group assignments. I used to hate group work, especially since I was usually the one who got stuck being the leader and picking up the slack. But I think it will be a much better experience here because I'm working with like minded people who want to do well. So glad that there's some diffusion of responsibility; that way if I screw up, it's not the end all be all!

In the meantime, today is my one month anniversary of living in Atlanta! I can't believe it's been that long but at the same time it also feels like I've been here so much longer. It feels like I've known some of my friends here for years already. Friday career services hosted a reception for us to get to know our mentors (a professional in the public health field who is there to provide advice, guidance, etc.); mine works at the CDC in the Office of Preparedness, and before you turn your nose up at that, his boss actually designed the zombie apocalypse campaign that briefly make the rounds this summer. So awesome. 

via

I'm still figuring out what I want to do career wise and my areas of interest, but emergency preparedness definitely sounds like something I could see myself doing (I always feel the need to stockpile goods and create a bomb shelter after watching apocalypse-esque movies). I've got time, and if there's anything I've learned, it's not to come in assuming that I've got everything figured out, which if you've been reading my blog, you know I don't have a problem with. 

Stressed is Just Desserts Spelled Backwards Right?

Surprise surprise, I'm in grad school and stress has already begun to rear its ugly head. The horrible part about all of this is that I really have nothing to be stressed about! I really don't have that much work (and for once I'm actually keeping up with it), and I only have class three days a week. I really don't know what the deal is.

It might be a combination of thinking too far ahead into the future about exams and finals and jobs, it may also be the panic that I feel knowing that I've applied to close to 30 internships and have yet to hear back from any. It could be that nagging feeling I have of trying to keep my Stella and Dot business alive or the fact that I've been blowing a lot of money on all the kickass restaurants/bars around Atlanta (let's face it, having friends gets expensive).

Mostly I think I'm just making this up and causing myself to feel more stressed and worried than I need to be. Hell, why am I worried about flunking out and not getting my MPH?! I don't think that's even a real option. It's those horrible start of the new school year jitters; that period in the semester when you want to be perfect and do as well as you can and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way.

I need to chill because honestly there's more to life than worrying about the future and things I can't control. Obviously stress can also be a good motivator (I've already started to do my readings for a class on Monday that's how type-A I'm being), and it's always good to want to do well in school. But remember that adage about treating every day as a gift? Not to be morbid, but if I were to die tomorrow, I would never have wanted to spend my last days being miserable, that's a waste of the awesome life that I've been given. I want to work hard (or shall I say work smart), but also have fun, that's a priority for me. So to all of you that may be feeling the pressure right about now, stop and smell the roses (or whatever it is you do) because life really is awesome. Why waste it?

via pinterest. 

On The Quest To Be The Best...

If you don't get what this is referring to and you grew up in the 90s  I will be very disappointed. 

I don't know why but this phenomena of "out-best everyone" has only become apparent to me since entering grad school. Here's the story: in 2 of my classes last week, the professors had us get up and introduce ourselves, giving our name, where we went to school, our major, past experience, our area of interest, what got us into public health, and anything we liked to do outside of it. Every time it seemed like a person would get up and try to act as impressive as possible (you say you were a researcher at the NIH with a fancy title but we all know you were really an office bitch). That is the out-best everyone attitude that I'm talking about.

Then we come to me: "Hi I'm Alannah, I went to UVa were I studied psychology and bioethics. I've been waiting tables the past 4 summers and working in catering; I like to think I'm a bomb waitress and semi-good people person..."Yes I purposely will not out-best you, in part because I can't (I mean I could say I studied health systems for a month in Cyprus or interned at UVa hospital or was a part of an NGO that raises money to build schools in Uganda but these were hardly full time activities) but also because I don't want to. 

I've talked about this before, how in middle school I had to be the best/smartest. High school knocked me down a few pegs because I was going to school with some of the smartest kids in the city. I learned that there's always going to be someone smarter or better, and it's exhausting trying to compete with that. I'm just grateful that I learned this all before college, when the stakes really do get high. 

I'm content with not being the best. Like I've told my friends, I'm ok with being a simple "worker bee" and letting someone else take on the stress of being the queen. I don't need to be a president or CEO, my aspirations are a bit simpler. Of course I want a good job (gotta pay off my student loans somehow), but I also want to have a life, be able to travel, finally be able to buy myself that horse I've always wanted, have my horde of goldendoodles, and (if I get over my aversion to kids/diapers) have a family. I'm not going to be the best and that's ok. But I am going to try to be my best (which if we're just going off of what I am now, it's going to be kickass). 

Goldendoodles fo eva

Is It Summer Yet?

But seriously I've only had 3 days of classes, and I'm already ready to go back to the carefree-ness that is summer vacation. And now that I come to think about it, that was probably the last real summer vacation that I will ever have :(

This post-grad is back in school, which is much the same as undergrad. Except I'm actually learning things that will specifically help me in my future career and all my classes semi-tie into one another. I will hand it to this program, once I'm done I will be fully prepared to do the job that I'm hired for, something that I couldn't say with just my bachelor's degree. I'm not trying to knock liberal arts degrees, I have one and I think that it's an important component to our society (not everyone could/should be an engineer or scientists) but while I learned some analytical skills and how to write a mean paper, I didn't feel prepared for actually doing a specific job. Which is why I am thankful for the opportunity to be taught the boring, but useful art of grant writing/how to design a community health program.

I'm also thankful that there are so many opportunities for internships. It's a win-win, a school looks good when it can say "look how many of our grads get jobs!" while I get valuable/relavent experience to put on my resume. At the same time though, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at just how many networking events career services has for us (I'm also sick of the term networking, which seems to be a favorite around here). The first event is actually tomorrow, but after talking with my mom I've decided to forgo it. I was surprised to find that she supported my decision (usually she's all for taking advantage of opportunities and for good reason), but after talking it out we both came to the conclusion that when you're "speed networking" like that, employers really aren't going to remember you (I was glad to hear this idea validated by a second year student who said "Ya employers won't remember you; after the meeting the 60th person they're probably going to be bored/ready to leave anyway).

I've decided to stick with "networking" through my mentor (yes I applied to/was chosen to be a mentee of a public health professional) and with those I work with in my future internships. Oh, did I mention that I've already applied to 22 internships already?

The Pool Party From Hell

Here's a con about apartment living: noises travel (and no I'm not going to get all weird and talk about hearing people through the walls, although that did happen in my last place). For the most part my complex is awesome; the building is a 4 story square and in the middle is a pretty courtyard with a pool and covered cabana. Very nice I like!

The scene of the crime...

This is where my tale gets dark and I get cranky. Problems arise when people (*cough*lawstudents*cough*) decide they are going to booze it up on the regular and start yelling and talking really loud out by the pool.

I like to think that I'm not a total party pooper. I like to have fun too, just not at 3:30 in the morning. Yes, early this morning I was woken up but yelling/talking/laughing as the future lawyers of America decided to have themselves a little party out by the pool. I'm sorry but wtf. And this went on for a while, a bona fide waking nightmare. I was really hoping that someone (preferably a big brawny muscle man) would go outside and tell them to be quiet. No, but I did hear a girl start yelling from her room.

Our resident enforcer started off well enough, using the convincing argument of please be quiet, it's 3:30 in the morning and some of us are sleeping. But things quickly escalated when douchy law students started to yell back. Obviously her pleas for quiet didn't work so she turned to cursing. Not helpful. I think I saw one of these fine fellows moon in her general direction (which was not also my direction thank god).

So there it is, the beauty of apartment living in all its glory. This is a problem that I really don't know how to address, seeing as how I don't know any of the party people. I find it so funny, as just the other day we met this female law student in the elevator. The conversation (stick with me) went something like this: "Oh are you all public health students?" I cheerily say "Ya, how did you guess?" Her response was "I heard you guys talking about volunteering. I've seen a bunch of you in your purple shirts. One girl was even dripping on me [it had been raining hard all day and some people still had to volunteer outside] while I was taking the bus home. I hate public health students... you all were making a lot of noise down out by the pool last week."

The deuce girl?! I didn't even know how to respond to that. The only time we've been out drinking by the pool was the one time the law students who were already out there invited us to come sit by them... there's a common denominator here and that's not public health. I think this can only end in some sort of battle royale with these law students. It's on...!