<insert Facebook status about the new year here>

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2012 has been pretty badass, and as that ball drops I'd like to reflect on just how awesome this year has been.

1. Graduated from college. Something I take for granted sometimes because not everyone is as lucky to have the chances I've gotten. But ya, undergrad is over and that's scary.

2. Started grad school. Hands down the best choice I ever made was going to Emory to get my mph. I'm learning the coolest, most useful skills and it's really been a worthwhile investment.

3. Made new friends. Upon graduating I was really sad because I was leaving behind the bestest friends a girl could ever have, and not a day goes by where I don't miss them. But there's this saying "make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold." I didn't think it was possible but I've had even more amazing people come into my life, and all it took was being myself.

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4. Lived the single life. I've been flying solo for a while, but 2012 is one of the first years that I've actually been unattached for any significant period of time and truly taken advantage of it. It's amazing all the adventures you can have (online dating anyone?) as well as all the money you save not having to buy someone Christmas or birthday presents!

5. Started a business (and a blog). While said blog may be marginally more successful than my Stella and Dot side gig, at least I can say I tried?

6. Moved to Atlanta. Never in a million years would I ever have imagined that I'd have the balls to move so far from home in order to pursue a career/education. This coming from the kid who cried every day when her mom dropped her off at school (in my defense I was 7 and we had just move to Hawaii). I don't know how long I will be here, but I'm open to the mystery that's the future and am just enjoying the ride.

I have a feeling 2013 is going to be even more legendary.

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I feel it in my... innards?

The year is drawing to a close and as the clock ticks down to midnight I'd like to take some time to reflect on at least one very important lesson that I've learned and hope will stick in 2013. It's something I forget and re-remember time and time again but there really is something to that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, a feeling that's worth listening to.

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Sometimes I get it when a relationship doesn't feel quite right, maybe things are a little too good to be true (in which case if you feel that way then they usually are), or maybe plans keep falling through when you used to hang out all the time, or someone isn't as attentive as they used to be (or on the flip side is too attentive). These are often the sources of that ominous feeling. I've gotten them, and looking back I know this, but at the time it's always harder to pick up on. On the other hand, there have been times when I know the reason I haven't trusted my gut is not because I was too oblivious to the signs but because I didn't want to listen, I didn't want to face the music telling me that things were going downhill and that maybe someone just wasn't that into me.

So now I know that I have these feelings (and maybe you've realized that you have too?), and more often than not I know it's usually a good indication that something isn't right with the situation. Now comes the harder part: actually listening to my gut. That's sure to prevent a lot of drama, and I could use less of it in 2013.

I'm throwin in the towel

I'm throwing in the towel on online dating, for the second (?) time. I gave it a shot, went on a date, but in the end things were just too much. The guy I went on a date with, while he was nice and it was a great first date... just too much.

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Maybe I talk the talk but ultimately can't walk the walk. I say I'm ready for a relationship, but when it boils down to it, I'm busy and like my freedom. I don't want to feel smothered by someone with a 5 year plan who explicitly wants a relationship. It's strange when the tables are turned; whoa, here's the rare guy who is looking for someone. But after one date he flat out asked if I was interested, and when I responded with the "I just met you, let's be friends and see what happens," he immediately said that he was ultimately looking for a relationship and if I just wanted to be friends then maybe I should look elsewhere. That just took me aback, seriously what the deuce buddy. It all made me realize that this probably isn't going to work.

Haha so foul but so true. via

I think there's a difference between being open to something and explicitly hunting. I used to think that I was explicitly hunting but this guy blew me out of the water; I think if I was hunting and all I wanted was a relationship then I would settle for the first thing that came along (i.e. this candidate) and in this case I couldn't. I need something a little more organic, that develops more naturally; things just get awkward and seem to have extra pressure when you're coming from a dating site. What hammered down my decision to delete my account was the fact that the other semi-decent seeming guy I was talking to happened to already be Facebook friends with a friend of mine who also uses the site. Playas gonna play, but not with me. I got bigger fish to fry.

It's the end of the world as we know it

So today was Doomsday right? I'm sure those nuts selling Doomsday survival pods in China and building steel fortified arks are feeling a little silly for quitting their jobs and spending their life savings on something so pointless. I will be the first to admit that I am easily worried, but even I wasn't buying the whole "end of the world" hype.

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Since I had first heard about it in my Anthro 282: Rise of Civilizations class first year of college, I knew that the Mayan calendar didn't stop of December 21, 2012 because the world ended but because the calendar simply ran out. Think about it: the Mayans were pretty busying having their way of life and their whole civilization decimated by Spanish explorers, chances are they didn't have time to update things. And I realize that Mayan writings have indicated an advanced understanding of astronomy and other scientific phenomena, but seriously, no one can predict the future.

As my friend, a Latin American studies major, and this article cleverly point out, the calendar doesn't indicate an apocalypse but merely that there will be a change. Isn't this what we go through at the end of each year with our New Years Resolutions? I think it's going to be a good change (I say it at the beginning of every year "oh this is going to be my year" but considering all of the awesome changes that I've gone through in the last few months I actually believe it this time).

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p.s. Ironically, I realized that not even a week ago I watched Melancholia, the movie with Kirsten Dunst about the end of the world. Today depressing (herp derp it's called Melancholia silly) but hey, if it really is the end of the world, at least I won't have to pay back my student loans :)

The Adventures of Online Dating

Currently taking a break from finals to declare: I survived! Not that there was any doubt but you never know (I wasn't asking for their opinion when I gave a description of what I was wearing, along with my height and weight measurements to my friends). I will say, as first dates go it was pretty sweet--literally, we started off at a local cupcakery, walked through a park, got a bunch of truffles, did more walking and then got some real food. Def. different from the traditional awkward first date dinner, but in a good way. I can hear you saying "but girl, that sounds like too much walking!" Nay friends, Atlanta is so cool that way, with its pockets of neighborhoods and parks. I got to explore a whole new area, and even found a new place to go running along the Atlanta Beltway. So many cool sights, I just wish I had my camera with me.

No I did not send this. 

My mom called me right after, and I will tell you what I told her: he was nice. Goofy, in a good way, and nice. There weren't any crazy sparks or fireworks going off for me, but it was cool. At the very least I could see us being friends. Obviously since I'm going away for winter break that puts a pause on things, so I can't definatively say there will be a second date. I don't know, is it fair to go on a second date with someone if you aren't sure about them/didn't have any fire works?

Obviously I'm a little rusty with the formal dating process, so this was good practice (though I think girlfriend here still has it!). I was really nervous going into it, but thinking of it as a social experiment (I've been watching way too many episodes of Bones--very Dr. Brennan way of approaching things) took some of the pressure off of things. I had to double check with a friend about how long you wait to text to say thank you: 24 hours was her answer. He did text me later so I didn't revert to that rule. I am seriously considering starting to stock-pile all the little dating tip gems that I seem to have forgotten. Here's what I have so far:

1. (As mentioned above) Wait 24 hours after date before sending the "thanks I had a great time!" text
2. Don't chug a can of soda prior to said date: you will end up all jittery and run the risk of burping all over the place (totally a rookie move but I seriously just wasn't thinking).

Thoughts? Any other nuggets to add to my arsenal?

Luckily he looked the same as his pictures...

What the deuce was I thinking?!

So I'm going on a date on Saturday. I know what you're thinking, "whoa girl that's big how did this happen?!" It's an OkCupid date (cue me getting all flustered and ashamed). I was just getting so bored; seriously, how does anyone meet anybody in this place?! School isn't an option and bars... that's laughable.

Hopefully this isn't going to be me...

I'm def. embarrassed that I had to resort to this online dating website, but apparently using things like this is a lot more common than I may realize? Ultimately, I'm a practical person. I could sit around and complain and grumble about how I'm so bored and there are no dudes and wah wah wah, or I could get out there and do something. I did something and now I'm going on a date.

And now I'm like WTF was I thinking?! I'm getting nervous! Here I was talking this big talk saying oh ya I'm ready for a relationship, and now that it's time to put on my big girl pants and enter the dating world I'm scared. I'm finding myself wondering if I really truly am ready and thinking about how I enjoy the single life so much. I'm so fickle. But for Saturday: it's an afternoon date and I'm driving myself. Fear not, I shall be careful. And if all else fails, this will make for a great blog post.

This dog pretty much sums up how I'm feeling

You know when you do things you know you shouldn't?

I have a problem. I'm a compulsive texter and have no will power. Here's some background on my current situation: I go to a school that's 80% women (i.e. sometimes it feels like an all girls school). The amount of guys I've met here is closer to 0, and I'm struggling. I'm a young kick ass individual in the prime of my life; what's the deal?! Sure, I try to fill my time with other things, such as school, volunteering, and hanging out with friends, and as a result my grades are great and I get projects done way ahead of time. But by God I'm still human, and as such I can't help but like guys/want them near me. I'm going crazy/feeling desperate, and trust me if you were feeling like you were in a convent (esp. not by choice) you'd be going crazy too.

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So what happens when a girl goes crazy? She does stupid things. Like texting someone she shouldn't (because she should actually move on and find someone better). It's a vicious and horrible cycle, and I know I shouldn't do it... but I do. Because I'm so bored. One can only think about school so much, right? Hell, I'm not even worrying about impending projects/exams because I've actually been doing constructive work with all the free time I've been having.

I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill because I'm by nature too hard on myself or what. I'm inclined to think this isn't the worse a person can do, especially if said recipient of texts responds back and things seem to pick up right where we left them. So... thoughts?

What the ads on your Facebook say about you

1. "Looking for a girlfriend. Come find the one at POF": I had to look up what this acronym was, but POF stands for Plenty of Fish. It's OkCupids shittier counterpart (and that's saying something). Stop taunting me dating sites! I don't need anyone (if I say this enough I'm sure I will start believing it)!

2. "23 things you should hoard. afterthedisaster.com": Yes, I love apocalypse type movies and books. Yes, they secretly make me want to create an underground bunker and start stocking up for Doomsday.  And yes, my dad has turned to me and asked me in the case of a zombie apocalypse what would be my weapon of choice. What can I say, I'm a planner.

3. "Give the gift of life. Up to 20,000 compensation for egg donation": Don't tempt me... just kidding. The idea of having little mini me's running around out there in the world is terrifying. I'm desperate for money but not that desperate.

5. Run or Dye: Yes, when I run I feel like I'm dying (I realize dye means to turn colors, just work with me here).

4. ADD hub.com: What are you trying to say Facebook?... SQUIRREL!

A little inspiration from Ryan Gosling...

via pinterest. 

It's that time of year! I've been saving this picture up just for the occasion :)
Projects, more projects, and some finals smushed in. It's about to get real cray cray around here, and I know a lot of my fellow classmates are going to be suffering, me right along with them. But lets try to keep this all in perspective, lets not panic (because then I start to panic). On the bright side:

1. It's the holiday season! Put up some lights (mine aren't coming down), light a candle, listen to some holiday music. Don't let finals/work ruin the most wonderful time of the year!!!

2. We who have assignments to freak out about are fortunate enough to actually be able to attend centers of higher education. Many people can't say that.

3. Each of these projects merely makes us a better future job candidate (at least that's what I keep telling myself when I get frustrated at how boring classes like Research Methods can be).

That's all I got for now. Read this, "18 Signs You're Doing Better Than You Think," for more inspiration (thank you to one of my sorority sisters for posting this on FB, now one of my new favorite websites!). Point is, I think that we get so caught up in the stress that comes with the end of the fall semester that we forget about how awesome this time of year is (Christmas lights/decorations make me so extremely happy-- it's the little things). So stop, bundle up and go for a walk, drink some coco because when you get stressed, I get stressed and that's the last thing I need right now.

This one's just for me :) via

They've Found the Antidote!

I could've cried last night when I read the article about Emory researchers at the Center for Sleep who may have found an antidote for hypersomnia. I was so excited I called my mom (who suffers just like me) even though I knew there was a good chance that she was already in bed.

Thats me, but without the prince. via

Day in and day out it feels like I wage a war with my sleepiness. I plan my day around my naps, and never feel like I get as much accomplished as I could. I could only sit and imagine what life would be like if I only had more energy. Sure, you say, I feel tired sometimes too. But I don't think people get it. I take pills (the kind they give to fighter pilots who need to stay up for 48 hrs on bombing missions) to keep myself awake; I can nap on them. If I didn't take them I could sleep for 20 hrs straight. I don't remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed. I miss out on a lot because I have to sleep.

The idea that I could have more energy feels like a miracle. I could actually go to class and go to an internship after like my peers often do. I've jokingly done some medical studies for money; I say jokingly because I didn't really care what it was for, I just wanted the money. But I would gladly offer up my person for a study if it meant that I was no longer debilitatingly tired. Who knows, in the future you might be seeing me more often; my bed will just have to be lonely without me.

Homey...homie?

I actually like Atlanta a lot more than I thought I would. It's not the concrete jungle that I pictured before coming here; there are actual trees and pockets of cute neighborhoods where the shops are all dog friendly and leave bowls of water outside. But being here makes me really miss Virginia. What's that cheesy Counting Crow song say? "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone?" Sounds about right.

At times I can see myself living here. And other times... not so much. I hate driving here. Not only is the traffic a bitch but the drivers are terrible. They don't follow speed limits or the general rules of the road; the few times I've gone on the highway have really stressed me out.

Not an actual picture but pretty accurate of how I feel. via the Chive

I've continued to volunteer at the therapeutic riding barn, but it becomes more and more painful to help give lessons and not be able to ride myself. I think it's generally a bad sign when I start to really envy the kids that I'm volunteering with... but finding cheap lessons anywhere near me is looking like a major impossibility. The overall barn we work at charges $60 per lesson; the results of an internet search show that to be the average going rate. And really going anywhere outside the city, with a car ride of 45 minutes or more, seems to defeat the purpose when you consider gas prices/my hatred of driving down here.

In addition, it's really sad to see that the horses don't have grass here. This is an extremely ritzy barn, probably costs an upward of $1000 a month to board a horse here, and there are no pastures. When you turn a horse out, it's to this small dirt paddock a little bigger than the size of my room. Even if you don't like horses you have to admit that's pitiful. This doesn't bode well for someone who jokingly/semi-seriously has asked for a horse every year for Christmas.

Basically it all comes down to this: how do I make Atlanta feel more like home? As a friend pointed out, I think it will do a lot for my psyche if I don't treat this as a temporary pitstop on the road of life (even though it may be, I have no way of knowing where I'm going to end up). I'm a creature of habit; I like to feel comfortable and settled in my surroundings. I've really started to like Emory and the public health program that I'm in. So how do I make this (temporary) home more homey, like an old homie?

So this is going to be harder than I thought...

Wheat/gluten is in everything. It's in my veggie burgers, my veggie hot dogs, and my veggie chick patties. As a vegetarian/poor student there is really no way I can afford to completely eliminate that stuff from my diet because I have neither the time nor the money to make crazy meals with this like lentils as quinoa every night.

I feel a little embarrassed. Day 2 and I'm already giving up, but the idea of completely changing my diet by just dropping something like wheat is stressful. Instead I'm going to try and focus more on adding good things in, like more fruits and (especially) veggies. I will swap my beloved spaghetti noodles for the equally interesting spaghetti squash. I'm going to make every attempt to be healthy but also know that I can go out and enjoy a good meal. Because eating (and food) is awesome.

Is butter a carb? Day 1

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This is day 1 of my no wheat (so basically no gluten) diet. So far so good, but I've had a terrible barrage of images pop into my head. No pumpkin bread? No chocolate chip cookies?!

You're probably thinking "why in God's name would you do this to yourself Alannah?" I will probably be asking myself that in the next couple days as I go into withdrawal (yes, people experience withdrawal), but here's my attempt at justification. I've been hearing on and off for years had bad wheat/gluten is for you, and the other night I finally downloaded the book Wheat Belly, written by this physician who swears it's done wonders for his patients. Weight, especially around the midsection (love handles/spare tire anyone?), melts off patients, cholesterol levels lower, any number of skin woes clears up, and, most important for me, energy levels increase and that mental fog just lifts away. Considering my narcolepsy and the fact that I basically spend all my free time napping, this last one is a big one for me. I'd do just about anything to have more energy and a clear head (not that my brain is terribly foggy but it gets hard to concentrate when all you want to do is take a nap).

Wheat, and even whole grain, is what raises blood sugar more than anything else, even sugar. According to the good doc it stimulates appetite and doesn't help us feel full (this strikes a cord when I consider that I could eat half a box of pasta in one sitting and still be hungry). The wheat today is totally different from the wheat of past centuries thanks to genetic engineering and whatnot.

Whether you believe it or you just think it's bunk science, I'm going to be giving it a try. I certainly could use more fruits and veggies and less empty carbs in my life so why not (though I'm going to have to make certain exceptions for birthdays and holidays). Plus, I wouldn't hate it if my not so loveable love handles decided to hit the road. However, this did not stopping from having the most kick ass last supper of pizza, breadsticks, and cupcakes. Go big or go home right?

The Pinterest Wedding Board

Disclaimer: this is not meant to rag on anyone who has one of these. They're a great way to organize ideas, especially if you're engaged. This is merely meant to rag on some of the ideas that you see posted every so often :)

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I love Pinterest. It's flipping awesome. As I have become older and wiser and increasingly interested in how to decorate my apartment/living space, Pinterest has become a valuable source of inspiration. Plus I get to arrange all the pictures into different boards for the office, the bedroom, the living room, etc. I'm a nut. 

What I've gotten a little creeped out about are some of the wedding ideas that I see floating around out there (my cousin/big sister is getting married in September so there's my reason for even looking in the first place). There's some really cheesy shit out there. Like this gem: "write a love letter every day during the engagement and give it to your husband on the day of the wedding." I'm sorry, but what guy would like that?! There's a lot of sappy things like that, and every time I ask that same question. Ideas like that sound like stuff girls like/wish their significant other would do for them... really doesn't strike me as something a guy would be thrilled to get. 

pinterest.com

This picture also confused/amused me. They are reading love notes that the other wrote prior to the ceremony. The prospective groom's face compared to the bride's... I'm sorry I just don't think guys are as sappy as us ladies. I don't think they will appreciate silly things such as a 300 page book of love letters. It's like a girl sending flowers to a guy, she's doing something that she wishes he would do for her. This is how I take it. 

One final thought: all the little things that seem to go into weddings, all those overwhelming details you see on pinterest? Makes me want to elope. 

'Scuse me, but does my karma look bad to you?

Do you believe in karma? It's this Buddhist principle where basically the universe keeps tally of all the good and bad things you do and translates it into this sort of cosmic energy. You've heard the saying "karma's a bitch." So basically when you're a bitch, things are going to come back around and bite you in the ass some way or another.

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I loosely follow the idea of karma. I definitely feel like when you do good things good things will come back around to you (but obviously one shouldn't do things strictly to generate good karma, that kinda defeats the purpose). So let me just say, I think my karma sucks right now, and I don't know why.

Even though someone isn't your type and you never care if you talk to/see them again, finding out that an individual you've flirted/exchanged numbers with has a significant other is never a good feeling. Here I am on top of the world as a mingling machine and boom I strike out yet again. Seriously, they keep on coming.

People suck sometimes (I'm refraining for saying guys suck because while many do, some are awesome and from a guys perspective girls can be disappointing sometimes too). My dating karma is just way wayyyy off. But I like to think that I'm generally a good person; I volunteer, I don't kick puppies. I'm really not sure how to go about tackling this issue. I flip flop between giving up for the time being and sticking with it/practicing my mad mingling skills. I can't decide yet, although when it comes to guys...I just can't seem to quit them.

Mingling Machine

This weekend I was a mingling machine. The funny part is, the first random person I actually struck up a conversation with (I pulled the "so what beers are good here?" card) happened to be married. I noticed the ring just as the words were leaving my mouth. Oh the irony. But it got better! Miracle of miracles I actually went up to a group of guys I'd been making eye contact with and started chatting. I didn't even have to get wasted to do it (ok I had had a drink or two but was no where near inebriated).

Obviously even I'm surprised at myself, since I've previously written about how I suck at socializing. I really can't pin point what happened this weekend, otherwise I'd be sure to share my wisdom with the masses. I just sucked it up and did it. I took the repeated eye contact as my cue that the other party was interested and boom, "hey what's up guys?"

"Oh hey fellas" photo courtesy of Kristen

Pretty much, I threw caution to the wind. That's all it takes, 5 seconds of not being self conscious. Every time I go out I always tell myself that I'm going to be awesome and approachable and just exude self confidence; the only difference is that this time I actually did it. And generally people respond favorably to that. If they aren't a total dickhead then they will at least humor you for a little while (and if they are rude, then consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to waste one more second putting up with that!).

Men are from Mars...

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You know how the saying goes. "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" (funny enough but I actually have this book, surprise surprise). But it's true; men and women really are different species. They think differently, are able to compartmentalize and focus on one task at a time, and certainly aren't as open with their feelings as us ladies are. Despite knowing all of this, I still don't get guys. When one pisses me off, I never stop to think "oh maybe this is just in his y-chromosomed nature?" In all fairness though, I can understand how they don't get girls either (I'll admit that we really can be cray sometimes and very complicated almost all the time). So besides reading books on how to understand the opposite sex, what does one do?

I'll tell you what I do: read men's magazines. More specifically, when I have nothing better to do I go on the websites for these magazines (Men's Health, Ask men, Coed, these last two may or may not be actual magazines but are totally guy centric). Let me just say, it's absolutely fascinating. Guys think about things just as much as girls do, they just spin the topics differently; instead of a boot camp bikini blast there's an article on building muscle and protein powder, and instead of how to please him, it's a feature on how to please her.

It's funny, but somewhere along the way I actually forgot that guys have feelings (maybe because they've done such a good job at crushing mine?). I remember asking my guy friends, why would any guy actually feel motivated to want a relationship/is that even possible for one to really want to be tied down? I still wonder that sometimes. But newsflash: they actually do have feelings, and deep down they're just as interested in how to impress someone as any girl is. Guys just aren't as open about it as we are...and maybe that's why we can't live with 'em, can't live without them.

Weekend Update

Their faces sum it up quite nicely. via

1. Volunteering is good for the soul: Finally volunteering/playing with horses. This time at a local barn in Atlanta. Having kids not pay attention is always a lesson in patience, but I couldn't imagine not giving back somehow. Hopefully it's more organized next week; the substitute instructor looked a little frazzled and wasn't so thrilled at having completely new volunteers.

2. Having a goal is also good: I don't know what came over me, but in a fit of madness I signed up for the Hot Chocolate 15k in January. Originally I thought I'd do the regular ol' 5k, but then I figured, what the hey I can already run that anyway. So now I'm giving myself something to work towards. I usually run 5k a couple times a week on the treadmill (but to be fair I do play with intervals and make sure that I adjust the incline as well, so it's never just a flat run at the same pace). Now that I've discovered some cute neighborhoods nearby I'm going to try and find the motivation to run more outside, especially now that it's getting cooler.

3. Okcupid is not so good: One night I was bored and decided to sign up. A friend of mine had been raving about it, saying that she'd actually been on a couple dates with guys she met on there. Since I hardly ever seem to get the opportunity to meet new guys (did I mention that my program is 80% women?!), I figured what the hey. That lasted an hour. After I came across the profile of a guy I knew in person/had kinda liked, I took that as a sign from the universe to get the hell off there. My short stint on an online dating site has left me a little creeped out; sure you get a lot of messages from guys, but these are guys I'd never be interested in. Plus I have to wonder if free dating site = hookup site from a male perspective... no thanks. My dating life in general is just not so good. But after going to yet another bar that reminded me of UVa, complete with preppy obnoxious bros, I realized that this is not how I can go about this. Those aren't the guys I want to get involved in, so obviously those aren't the bars I'm going to find myself going to anymore. Romance/relationships are supposed to find you when you're not looking anyway right?

Social Awkwardness

I suck at mingling. I can't seem to be able to do it. Seems simple enough right, you just be your sweet self (my mom's words not mine) and charm the pants off of people? Nope. I find it extremely hard and intimidating to go up to someone I don't know and start a conversation.

This realization of my lack of talent came at a grad school mixer we had with the business school last weekend. We figured why the heck not, let's just go and meet some new people. But as soon as I get there all that false bravado goes right out the window, and I'm left clustering around people that I know. In all fairness, half of why I think it's so difficult to meet people is because everyone seems to stick with their own groups of friends, making it difficult to for an outsider to join in. To be clear, I'm not just talking about chatting up dudes; I'm talking about meeting new people in general, guys and girls, gay or straight, old or young.

If you know me you're probably rolling your eyes; I know I don't come across as shy. Once conversations get going I can easily chat up and be witty with someone I've just met. It's just that initial conversation icebreaker that seems to do me in. I'm totally in awe of people who have the balls to just go up to someone random and say "Hi, I'm so-and-so. What's your name?" That's probably how my kick ass older cousin was able to get us into a frat party my second year and ended up making friends with everyone she met. There's not a shy or self-consciousness bone in that girl's body! And you know, I think ultimately people are impressed with/receptive to anyone who has the gall to take the initiative like that (unless they're a total douche). Hence the reason why my google search history contains "how to mingle."

P.S. The night of the business school mixer my friend gave me a mission: meet 2 new people. Funny enough, about 5 minutes after she said that (while I'm busy being a big baby about how there's no way I can do that) a guy ends up striking up a conversation and at one point introduces me to his classmate. Boom! Not my type but mission accomplished!

And here's what I get after googling "awkward"

If you have to ask...

Here's an epiphany I just had: if you have to ask someone where you stand (relationship-wise) chances are that you probably already know the answer. And it isn't a good one (unless you hate the person and really don't want them to like you--then congrats!). I've had these moments, and they suck. But it's also really informative. If I have to wonder where I stand with a guy, then chances are he's just not feeling it because if he was, then I wouldn't have to wonder, I'd know.

Now, early on in a relationship or whatever you want to call it, I think it's ok to wonder. Hey, that's half the fun, the oh-my-gosh, crush is forming stage where you're talking but things haven't gotten serious. There's no need to rush that part and put a label on things, so don't ask. But after a time (and I can't really put a definitive number on this, but I think you start to get an inkling)... it's natural to start to question things. I also think that when the time and the person is right, you won't have to wonder.

I realize this epiphany may be a "no shit Sherlock" nugget of knowledge for many of you. But if you're like me, maybe a little rusty dealing with members of the opposite sex, and have a need for definitive answers before you tie a neat ribbon around a chapter and begin to move on, well this was a moment of enlightenment. Maybe on some level I knew it all along. My gut feelings have had an amazing tendency of being right. But as far as actually listening to and believing in what I deep down know to be the truth, well I've got a ways to go on that one...

via 

p.s. That awesome guy Dave I was telling you about? I was very sad to hear that he passed away on Thursday, the day after I found out about him. It's tough when someone like that suddenly leaves in the blink of an eye, but it's amazing to think how many people he was able to touch in such a short amount of time. I certainly will try and mirror the optimism and joy he found everyday in my own life.

Best idea I ever had

The best idea I ever had was deciding to come home for fall break. You know you are in a funk when you aren't looking forward to a 6 day vacation. I seriously did not know what I was going to do with myself with all that time on my hands and all my friends gone.

I'm feeling completely rejuvenated already. Getting away from the school environment, which even back at the apartment you can't quite shake off, has completely refocused me. This is really going to come in handy once midterms start up in the weeks right after break.

I will admit, I'm feeling a bit left out knowing that my best friends are tearing it up at UVA homecomings without me. But ultimately I'm a homebody, and going up to Cville for the weekend would really just defeat the purpose of me coming home. I'm just enjoying the heaps of puppy love that I've received since walking in the door.

Dave on Wheels: my new hero

You need to go visit this blog. Stop reading this and go! It's about this amazing guy named Dave, who was born with cerebral palsy and has been deaf and quadipeligic ever since. This guy is smart as a whip and incredibly funny (I'm also now following him on Twitter). He communicates using this device that follows his eye movements when "typing," so don't let the wheels fool you!

So glad the chive posted this!

Despite the lot he's been dealt with, Dave is the most upbeat and positive person I think I have ever come across in my life. Instead of giving up and feeling sorry for himself, he seeks to enjoy every single drop of life. As one person wrote on his blog, he lives more each day than probably any of us.

It's so humbling to read how optimistic this guy is. Seriously, what the hell do I have to complain about?! Stressed about school, jobs, relationships?! No, these are nothing. Dave is so happy and full of love, and it makes me want to really try and be a better person. Much needed after the funk I've been in!

P.S. I caved and bought a ticket home for fall break! This face in 2 days <3

"What's one good thing that happened to you today?"

My mom sensed I was being a little crabby patty on the phone the other night and tried to get me to think positive by asking this question. My answer? "I got free food."

To be fair, I do feel like I have a lot on my plate. I still haven't found an internship (if I don't have one by the 12th I lose my work study grant), and I'm starting to feel a little homesick. Fall break is next week, but my dad talked me out of buying a plane ticket home, saying "Mom and I are coming down in a month, and you are coming home for Thanksgiving. Save your money." Driving 9.5 hours by myself isn't even an option so lets not suggest that. So I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself while everyone is gone for fall break (yes, everyone is leaving me :( ). Maybe some exploring? Alone time is good right? Although, as fine as I am being a hermit (and trust me, I can go all weekend perfectly content in my own company), I can't help but think that being on my own for 6 days is just plain sad.

Only time will tell. At least I will probably post more on here during break. Harr Harr.

Fall Break ideas:
Pumpkin patch
Piedmont Park
Exploring with my camera in tow
Cooking/eating (always a fine activity)

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Any other ideas?

On Why I'm Dying

I almost bought a fish the other night. That's how desperate I am for a pet. I also literally sat staring and gushing over the parakeets in Petsmart that same evening (how can you not love those little birds, especially after seeing one hold onto the tail of another as it was trying to fly?!). I'm an animal lover plain and simple, and I've never felt so deprived in my life.

I've become that weird person that has to run up to every dog I see (always making sure I ask the owner's permission of course) just so I can get my fix. Yes, my fix. The animal fix. I even get excited when I see a squirrel nowadays. Just not a lot of nature where I am. Of course I could be a good samaritan and volunteer at the animal shelter... for $25. You have to pay to volunteer. WTF.

Allie girl <3

Don't even get me started on horses. Seeing a picture can get me all misty eyed. I'm not even that great of a rider, but damn do I love me some horses. It pains me that I'm never around them as much as I could be (my friend and I missed our orientation for a therapeutic horse riding place last weekend due to our overindulgence in alcoholic beverages the night before :/ ).

So this is what my life has become. I'm so pet deprived that I almost bought a fish. At the same time, I semi-can't bring myself to do it. They're just so insubstantial. But beggars can't be chosers, and my plant just isn't really cutting it...

Sh*t I Wish I Knew

10. Tolerance decreases significantly after undergrad. Also, don't mix wine with beer and liquor. 

I made a rookie move this weekend. I'm not going to go into significant detail but based on this picture I'm sure you can get the gist. 

I could be a mature adult and pretend this never happened (although I'm guessing mature adults presumably don't get drunk in the first place), but lets not kid ourselves here. I'm young and of legal drinking age, so I'm going to partake occasionally. But after Friday... never again (I say this semi-melodramatically).

The stories are really funny. Sounds like a great night, I say, but even though I was there I still feel like I've missed out. Apparently I threw my shoes? Haha. So laugh it up guys and enjoy your "I'm sorry I was that girl" muffins because you will never see that side of me ever again. In all seriousness, alcohol really does need to be used with caution. It's scary not being in any sort of conscious control of yourself. And really, who wants to be known as that girl?

After spending literally the next 22 hours sleeping (that's my non-REM narcolepsy in action for you) and essentially losing an entire day that could've been spent adventuring or being productive... ya no I think I'm set for a while.

3-0 Please be the Magic Number!

Honey Boo Boo says: You'd better redneckinize! via thechive.com

It's official. I've applied to 30 internships. Never have I ever been so proactive in my life. And never have I ever been so desperate to hear back from something. I've talked before about how I regretted not getting any relevant work experience while in undergrad. Well here's my chance (maybe that's why I feel added pressure?)! Plus I've got this awesome work study grant that I really don't want to lose.

I got a lot of great advice from my cousin (aka my big sister) when we talked on the phone yesterday. It's all about being extremely proactive and really pursuing what you want. Sending hand written thank you notes is also a big plus (check out this msn article for more). I'm just torn between the desire to send a follow-up email and not wanting to bug someone (plus, the system that Rollins uses to apply to all these work-study jobs doesn't even give us a contact). I do semi have some contacts at the CDC; my dad's old Navy buddy who lives down here knows a handful of people who work at the CDC and has kindly passed along my resume. I just don't want to be that annoying kid that begs for a job (even though I essentially am). I'm actually rather shy in case you haven't noticed.

This, folks, is what keeps me up at night. Other than that life is good! Classes are fine (I don't think that getting As is going to be a problem), and I'm really having a great time with the people I've met here. It's the complete opposite of my first semester of undergrad (which I was afraid it was going to be like). When she finally got me on the phone my mom said "Well you must be having a lot of fun since I hardly ever hear from you!" So true.

D'aww we are so cute!

It's not even that I'm having crazy adventures (ok there's been some), but I'm just having a good time exploring and bonding with people that are similar to me. And by similar I don't mean "let's save the world we are public health gurus!" My group of friends is so much more relaxed (thank god); we have dinner parties and get together to watch our new favorite show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It's keeping me grounded. And it's funny because in a school where group work becomes an exercise in overanalyzing and trying to address every element in a public health problem, I've found myself being the one to say "let's chill, we can't get them all." And I like it!

Some Tid Bits

Oops, seems I've been bad about regularly posting, something I promised myself that I would always do. It's just been super busy (ok not so busy that I don't have time to laze around in my pjs) but compared to the summer there's just a whole lot more going on. I also don't want to say that my creative juices aren't flowing, but grad school lacks the gems that my experience at Planet Pizza this summer provided.

via the chive. 

That's not to say that there's aren't some.... interesting folks here at school, but it's such a small community that I'd hate to mention someone and then have them find out. Especially since public health is big on group projects; can't really afford to be making enemies. The grading system here seems much more manageable than undergrad (I've heard getting As is very common-- welcome news) where one of my classes has open note/open book tests and another we are graded off of group assignments. I used to hate group work, especially since I was usually the one who got stuck being the leader and picking up the slack. But I think it will be a much better experience here because I'm working with like minded people who want to do well. So glad that there's some diffusion of responsibility; that way if I screw up, it's not the end all be all!

In the meantime, today is my one month anniversary of living in Atlanta! I can't believe it's been that long but at the same time it also feels like I've been here so much longer. It feels like I've known some of my friends here for years already. Friday career services hosted a reception for us to get to know our mentors (a professional in the public health field who is there to provide advice, guidance, etc.); mine works at the CDC in the Office of Preparedness, and before you turn your nose up at that, his boss actually designed the zombie apocalypse campaign that briefly make the rounds this summer. So awesome. 

via

I'm still figuring out what I want to do career wise and my areas of interest, but emergency preparedness definitely sounds like something I could see myself doing (I always feel the need to stockpile goods and create a bomb shelter after watching apocalypse-esque movies). I've got time, and if there's anything I've learned, it's not to come in assuming that I've got everything figured out, which if you've been reading my blog, you know I don't have a problem with. 

Stressed is Just Desserts Spelled Backwards Right?

Surprise surprise, I'm in grad school and stress has already begun to rear its ugly head. The horrible part about all of this is that I really have nothing to be stressed about! I really don't have that much work (and for once I'm actually keeping up with it), and I only have class three days a week. I really don't know what the deal is.

It might be a combination of thinking too far ahead into the future about exams and finals and jobs, it may also be the panic that I feel knowing that I've applied to close to 30 internships and have yet to hear back from any. It could be that nagging feeling I have of trying to keep my Stella and Dot business alive or the fact that I've been blowing a lot of money on all the kickass restaurants/bars around Atlanta (let's face it, having friends gets expensive).

Mostly I think I'm just making this up and causing myself to feel more stressed and worried than I need to be. Hell, why am I worried about flunking out and not getting my MPH?! I don't think that's even a real option. It's those horrible start of the new school year jitters; that period in the semester when you want to be perfect and do as well as you can and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way.

I need to chill because honestly there's more to life than worrying about the future and things I can't control. Obviously stress can also be a good motivator (I've already started to do my readings for a class on Monday that's how type-A I'm being), and it's always good to want to do well in school. But remember that adage about treating every day as a gift? Not to be morbid, but if I were to die tomorrow, I would never have wanted to spend my last days being miserable, that's a waste of the awesome life that I've been given. I want to work hard (or shall I say work smart), but also have fun, that's a priority for me. So to all of you that may be feeling the pressure right about now, stop and smell the roses (or whatever it is you do) because life really is awesome. Why waste it?

via pinterest. 

On The Quest To Be The Best...

If you don't get what this is referring to and you grew up in the 90s  I will be very disappointed. 

I don't know why but this phenomena of "out-best everyone" has only become apparent to me since entering grad school. Here's the story: in 2 of my classes last week, the professors had us get up and introduce ourselves, giving our name, where we went to school, our major, past experience, our area of interest, what got us into public health, and anything we liked to do outside of it. Every time it seemed like a person would get up and try to act as impressive as possible (you say you were a researcher at the NIH with a fancy title but we all know you were really an office bitch). That is the out-best everyone attitude that I'm talking about.

Then we come to me: "Hi I'm Alannah, I went to UVa were I studied psychology and bioethics. I've been waiting tables the past 4 summers and working in catering; I like to think I'm a bomb waitress and semi-good people person..."Yes I purposely will not out-best you, in part because I can't (I mean I could say I studied health systems for a month in Cyprus or interned at UVa hospital or was a part of an NGO that raises money to build schools in Uganda but these were hardly full time activities) but also because I don't want to. 

I've talked about this before, how in middle school I had to be the best/smartest. High school knocked me down a few pegs because I was going to school with some of the smartest kids in the city. I learned that there's always going to be someone smarter or better, and it's exhausting trying to compete with that. I'm just grateful that I learned this all before college, when the stakes really do get high. 

I'm content with not being the best. Like I've told my friends, I'm ok with being a simple "worker bee" and letting someone else take on the stress of being the queen. I don't need to be a president or CEO, my aspirations are a bit simpler. Of course I want a good job (gotta pay off my student loans somehow), but I also want to have a life, be able to travel, finally be able to buy myself that horse I've always wanted, have my horde of goldendoodles, and (if I get over my aversion to kids/diapers) have a family. I'm not going to be the best and that's ok. But I am going to try to be my best (which if we're just going off of what I am now, it's going to be kickass). 

Goldendoodles fo eva

Is It Summer Yet?

But seriously I've only had 3 days of classes, and I'm already ready to go back to the carefree-ness that is summer vacation. And now that I come to think about it, that was probably the last real summer vacation that I will ever have :(

This post-grad is back in school, which is much the same as undergrad. Except I'm actually learning things that will specifically help me in my future career and all my classes semi-tie into one another. I will hand it to this program, once I'm done I will be fully prepared to do the job that I'm hired for, something that I couldn't say with just my bachelor's degree. I'm not trying to knock liberal arts degrees, I have one and I think that it's an important component to our society (not everyone could/should be an engineer or scientists) but while I learned some analytical skills and how to write a mean paper, I didn't feel prepared for actually doing a specific job. Which is why I am thankful for the opportunity to be taught the boring, but useful art of grant writing/how to design a community health program.

I'm also thankful that there are so many opportunities for internships. It's a win-win, a school looks good when it can say "look how many of our grads get jobs!" while I get valuable/relavent experience to put on my resume. At the same time though, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at just how many networking events career services has for us (I'm also sick of the term networking, which seems to be a favorite around here). The first event is actually tomorrow, but after talking with my mom I've decided to forgo it. I was surprised to find that she supported my decision (usually she's all for taking advantage of opportunities and for good reason), but after talking it out we both came to the conclusion that when you're "speed networking" like that, employers really aren't going to remember you (I was glad to hear this idea validated by a second year student who said "Ya employers won't remember you; after the meeting the 60th person they're probably going to be bored/ready to leave anyway).

I've decided to stick with "networking" through my mentor (yes I applied to/was chosen to be a mentee of a public health professional) and with those I work with in my future internships. Oh, did I mention that I've already applied to 22 internships already?

The Pool Party From Hell

Here's a con about apartment living: noises travel (and no I'm not going to get all weird and talk about hearing people through the walls, although that did happen in my last place). For the most part my complex is awesome; the building is a 4 story square and in the middle is a pretty courtyard with a pool and covered cabana. Very nice I like!

The scene of the crime...

This is where my tale gets dark and I get cranky. Problems arise when people (*cough*lawstudents*cough*) decide they are going to booze it up on the regular and start yelling and talking really loud out by the pool.

I like to think that I'm not a total party pooper. I like to have fun too, just not at 3:30 in the morning. Yes, early this morning I was woken up but yelling/talking/laughing as the future lawyers of America decided to have themselves a little party out by the pool. I'm sorry but wtf. And this went on for a while, a bona fide waking nightmare. I was really hoping that someone (preferably a big brawny muscle man) would go outside and tell them to be quiet. No, but I did hear a girl start yelling from her room.

Our resident enforcer started off well enough, using the convincing argument of please be quiet, it's 3:30 in the morning and some of us are sleeping. But things quickly escalated when douchy law students started to yell back. Obviously her pleas for quiet didn't work so she turned to cursing. Not helpful. I think I saw one of these fine fellows moon in her general direction (which was not also my direction thank god).

So there it is, the beauty of apartment living in all its glory. This is a problem that I really don't know how to address, seeing as how I don't know any of the party people. I find it so funny, as just the other day we met this female law student in the elevator. The conversation (stick with me) went something like this: "Oh are you all public health students?" I cheerily say "Ya, how did you guess?" Her response was "I heard you guys talking about volunteering. I've seen a bunch of you in your purple shirts. One girl was even dripping on me [it had been raining hard all day and some people still had to volunteer outside] while I was taking the bus home. I hate public health students... you all were making a lot of noise down out by the pool last week."

The deuce girl?! I didn't even know how to respond to that. The only time we've been out drinking by the pool was the one time the law students who were already out there invited us to come sit by them... there's a common denominator here and that's not public health. I think this can only end in some sort of battle royale with these law students. It's on...!

Georgia on My Mind

So I think I fell in love last night, not with a person but with a city. Or at least a part of it anyway.

Unbeknownst (nice GRE word, eh?) to me, Atlanta isn't just the city. There are many suburbs/neighborhoods around the inner city that also make up the Atl. I have yet to go exploring in the actual city (I'm super scared to drive around here because I'm not an aggressive driver at all), but have finally had the pleasure to go exploring in one part of the 'burbs called Virginia Highlands. And I love it!

We started by having dinner at these food trucks, not a totally novel concept to me as UVa started doing their own version my fourth year. There were 4 trucks (apparently there's usually even more), one serving cupcakes, the other popsicles, a Mexican-Asian fusion truck and a Mexican-southern comfort food truck all set up in this empty parking lot. It was awesome. The food was tasty and cheap and the people watching was prime: this was a place where people from the neighborhood brought their dogs, kids, friends, and just planted themselves on a curb to eat their meals.

The King of Pops (popsicles to be exact).

I love this dog!

This truck name is "Blaxican" for its mix of southern and Mexican food.

Mexi-Asian cuisine

The rest of the night we just walked around the neighborhood, where there are neighborhoods and pockets of restaurants and boutique shopping centers. It reminds me a little bit of Charlottesville, when you get down towards the Downtown Mall, but with more trees and houses. I'm so glad that there are trees! And dogs. Everywhere I look there are dogs. I made friends with this fuzzy Goldendoodle named Lars, which makes me miss my Allie even more. 

What's up next? Well we've made plans to try this gem (or shall I say jungle) of a Thai restaurant. Plus there's this awesome indoor farmer's market, and many many more small neighborhoods to explore. Did I also mention the Food Truck Expo in September...?